Hot Tub Talks

This past week we have had warm sunny weather and a relatively empty resort.  For us that is a series of wins.  It was peaceful  and relaxing.  One day we  had some clouds and a bit more breeze.  Up until this point I'd spent my time rotating between the beach and the pool.  I neglected the hot tub because it wasn't appealing to me on a warm sunny day.  So on our cooler, breezy day  I decided to spend a bit of time there.  The husband isn't a hot tub guy (for more than a few minutes anyway) so initially it was just me.  He will make his appearance a bit later in the encounter. As always I'll issue a warning ....hang it up right here if you are squeamish. 

When I arrived at the hot tub there were a few ladies there and another couple.  Its a big hot tub and they all welcomed me immediately.  Super friendly crowd.  I found out why perhaps everyone was so happy as the encounter unfolded.  I also learned a lot of things that as a middle aged woman I never knew.  Always be learning right?  I doubt any of this new knowledge will prove helpful for me but hey now I know.  I also had a lot to google when I got back to my room. LOL

The ladies were on a friends long weekend deal.  The couple seemingly met them for the first time at the hot tub.  I politely scooted past them on the steps and found a little corner to nestle in. To them I probs appeared to be sleeping.   I had a baseball hat and sunglasses on so I just leaned back for a little chill time and admittedly quietly eavesdropped on their conversations.  

My fellow hot tub  enthusiasts were chatting up a storm and sometimes bounced from topic to topic quickly.  I kept the appearance of napping while also genuinely intrigued by their discussions.   I learned all about weed.  Every form of weed, every state law and even how to smuggle it on a plane and not get busted. I now know what brings you up, down and spins you around with weed.  These people know their plants.  oh boy.  One lady explained how she hid her gummies in her socks in her suitcase.  I still can't figure out why the sock?  Maybe throw off the dogs sniffing due to her smelly sock? I also learned which form of weed is most effective for the desired affect. As I mentioned before they bounced topics back and forth a few times so when they kept talking about "Delta " I was thinking oh now we are on to airline carriers but then it seemed we were back to weed. (Delta is a form of weed and apparently potent and "the real deal")   Sheesh I was getting confused.   Being the curious type I actually found myself with questions.  I kinda wanted to raise my hand and say excuse me I have a few things that need clarifying.  I allllllmost did at one point but then I'd give my eavesdropping away. So I just kept listening.    

We moved on to types of drinks, forms of drinking, hangovers, bars and pub grub. All of these things I am not well equipped to dialogue about.  Being the clueless middle aged woman who grew up in a non alcohol drinking environment,  I really wanted to ask more questions.  Seriously it all makes me so curious.  Like why was it fun to barf or spend all night on the bathroom floor?  They spoke of  it with laughs.  Lots of laughs.  Happy laughs. Like it was so funny and "that will be me tonight" kinda tones.   Help me on that one because I generally avoid that particular bodily function if at all possible but for some odd reason they all thought it was hilarious.  I prefer my stomach contents to remain inside my stomach.  Oh and when they said getting back to the hotel at 4:00AM I was genuinely taken back.  Speaking as a person who is  in total REM sleep by then and on any given day of the week thats when my husband is getting up to go to work.  Sleep is gold. I love my sleep.  Getting home after 9:00PM is over my limit at this stage of life.  Again, I had more questions. I guess thats old lady talk coming from me.   Shhhh Carol, keep listening. 

Then the subject bounced to being old.  They were all lamenting their age.  One woman calling her husband "so old he's close to the grave" with a laugh.  Then it came out.  "How old are you?" (from one of them to the other...not me)  Man I just hit 35.  I am not kidding I snorted with laughter from my corner of the tub.   It slipped out and they caught me.   The lady looked at me and apologized for the suggestion of "old" with "no offense meant to you I love old people".   Listen Linda, I am NOT old and quite frankly neither are you.  35 is a nice dream age.  Nothing is falling apart yet, you have some get up and go left and you are no where near a colonscopy or better yet the dreaded mammogram.   Seriously you know you are old when you have to take a vacation day from work  to get your colon checked and cleansed or the ever so not enjoyable smash is the big event of the week.  Yeah, its a real gauge of age and honey you are not there. If I'm conceding that 35 is old then that would make me ancient.  These guys talked like 35 is circling the drain.  

Cue my husbands arrival from the beach.  He walks in and plops down next to me but said nothing.  Noticeably older than all our fellow hot tubbers they immediately begin apologizing for their mere mention of old.  My husband, not having a clue what was being discussed, just kinda laughed and shrugged his shoulders.  He was up and outta there quickly.  He never actually said a word at any time while he was there.  The key here is they did not realize he was my husband.  He just acknowledged me, plopped down and then up and left.  He left mainly due to the "chick talk" going on and that just makes him gag.  I knew his eyes were rolling inside his mind.

As he was leaving the hot tub, one of the ladies said I guess we scared him away talking about being old.  The other lady said if she was his age she would be just waiting for the other shoe to drop and went on to talk about a friend who just had a heart attack at close to his age. She made it clear she was dreading being THAT old.   I was holding back my smirk there because it was obvious they did not realize we are together and he is my husband.    For me this kind of  situation is so fun.  I let it ride out for a bit just to let it all get said. But I have this little issue with never losing an opportunity to say something in return.  I'm working on that but didn't have a victory today.   I was ready to be done tubbing so  at that point I stood up, walked up the steps and as I grabbed my towel I said "I have a few tips for you youngsters".  They were a fun group so, after being startled that I said it initially,  they said of course lay it on us!

1.  Being older also brings along being a bit wiser.  With that wisdom you will not find yourself puking on the bathroom floor of your hotel on vacation.  Puking is for the flu and we all avoid the flu.  Hot tub Karen here.  (hand raised)

2.  I listened to your assessment of weed and found it humorous.  I hope you don't land in jail because its a federal offense to take weed on a plane.  Don't do stupid stuff.   Sincerely the hot tub Karen.

3.  That old guy  you were just referring to is my husband and I think he is hot.  I said it with a laugh and a smile because I wasn't trying to be a true Karen...just partway.  lo  And with that the gasp and "ooops" and "oh my words" came rolling out of their mouths.    

4.  Last but not least, Thanks for coming to my ted talk.  I wished them well on their journeys and  encouraged them to try staying sober.  It's fun too.   

As I walked away you could hear their efforts to yell apologies my way.  I just laughed.  Absolutely none of that bothered me (or us).  It was humorous to me and another reminder why I don't drink alcohol or smoke weed.   I think some people can have an adult beverage and behave themselves.  Not everyone gets drunk and does stupid stuff.  For the life of me I have no idea why that would be a fun thing to do on vacation.  

Out of my element in that crowd? Absolutely!  wishing I was more a part of that stuff?  Absolutely never.  Did I  google a lot of stuff later on? Absolutely LOL  Hey, I'm a curious one!